This is a little later than intended (I’ve been quite busy, I have a lot of robots to draw, have I mentioned that?) but I wanted to do a little post-match report on the recent DONUT-BAGEL WAR in the pages of the Phoenix. To share a few thoughts on the whole thing, and address some questions that people have asked me in the aftermath.
The #1 question being, for some reason…
WILL THERE BE A BOOK OF THIS?
And look, it is nice to hear that people want this! But it’s very early days. I can totally see a book of Donut Squad existing at some point, in some shape or form. And maybe there would be some bagels involved, again, in some shape or form. But *this* story, specifically? I’ve got to be honest, don’t see how that would work. The whole joy of it was getting to play with the rhythms and form of a weekly anthology comic, and specifically of The Phoenix. Getting to, over the course of several months, bend and push and mess with that form, and then finally break the whole thing in one big sugar-rush explosion. That I got to do it and that it worked at all is a testament to Joe and the guys at the Phoenix; their imagination and powers of organisation and most of all their willingness to, as Caramel Jack might say, [BEEEP] [BEEEEEP] up, just for the [BEEEEEP] of it.
I think this was just a (hopefully) fun and glorious thing that happened, that could only happen in the intense but ephemeral context of a weekly comic, and if you missed it, well, sorry, you missed it. Maybe you should make better choices in life?
If *you* have any idea how this whole thing could conceivably be made to work as a book then please, by all means, the comments section is open.
Anyway, to address another question:
SO WHO ACTUALLY WON?
Well as you will have read in the comic, both sides claimed victory. I realise this may potentially be frustrating or confusing for young readers who crave a definitive conclusion, but I dare say it is in some way a useful lesson for life?
Also, I think the fact that Donut Squad are still in the comic and Bagel Battalion aren’t is maybe your answer.
FUN FACT! My original version (spot the typos and lettering mistakes in it!) had the donuts just straightforwardly winning:
…but I was asked to provide a slightly last-minute change, and draw one additional last Bagel Battalion strip to give events a slightly more open-ended conclusion. And as events transpired, I was very glad of this, because… wow, people really got into this thing, it turns out. What was just a funny dumb idea in one’s own head takes on a different significance when it’s coming out in the comic and I’m hearing all these tales from parents of their kids taking sides in the great conflict, going to school decked out in their Donut / Bagel patches, starting rival Donut Squad / Bagel Batallion WhatsApp groups to plot against their friends, and stuff like this. It’s really nice when something you’ve worked on seems to resonate with readers, of course. But also, I was starting to worry that this would lead to actual Families Being Torn Asunder / Conflict In The Playground type situations which, frankly, I don’t need on my conscience.
It’s a weird thing, but definitely a lesson learned: people… love conflict? Like, there is literally no division so arbitrary or ridiculous that people will not seize upon it as an opportunity to split themselves into two camps and declare that their one is DEFINITELY THE BEST. This is just a thing that human being really, really enjoy doing, it turns out.
As I say, who knows, maybe there is a useful lesson for life in here somewhere.
To further pull back the curtain here: I was pretty sure that the majority of people would be fine with the donuts winning, anyway. When we did our live online events, we ran a little ‘which team are you on?’ straw poll amongst the participants, and the donuts were smashing the bagels by like an 80-20 split. But, as the final instalments of this were going out into the world, I was suddenly very conscious that 20% of the readership, while definitely a minority, still constitutes potentially *thousands of children* being mad at me.
You know what, I just noticed that substack has polls, let’s just check my maths:
Maybe I was just feeling worried by these pictures my beloved niece sent me, upon declaring her suspicions that I was in fact a Team Donut sleeper agent:
…yes, that is a Sad Bagel with a knife stabbed though its heart by my betrayal.
However, the world still seems to be standing and no-one has thrown any bagels-tied-to-bricks through my window yet, so… I think we got away with it?
SO IS THAT IT FOR THE BAGELS?
Yep! Bagel Battalion is now concluded, and will definitely never, ever return.
No. Come on. I’m not an idiot. The other week I stood in a hall in London as hundreds of children screamed BAGELS at me at the top of their lungs. I’m not a monster, and I dare say it is HIGHLY PROBABLE these little dudes are going to come back. But as to where or when: THIS, I CANNOT SAY. Watch the skies! Wait no, don’t do that, why would bagels be in the skies, that doesn’t make any sense. You know what I mean.
WHAT ABOUT THE VILLINOOS? WILL THEY COME BACK?
Uh, yeah, I just wanted to take a moment here to (somewhat) publicly thank Logan for being such a good sport, letting us use his characters, and writing three issues of such a great, fun, funny strip for me to draw. And then letting me completely throw it under a comedy bus for the purposes of The Great Project. The thing was, though, it was SO fun, and I think everyone involved feels like it worked so well, that it would be a shame if that was the end for Villinos and Neville and all their weird purple galaxy-conquering pals. So I think I can safely say here that yes, one way or another the Villinoos WILL RETURN. You heard it here first!
Just maybe not for a bit. I’ve got a lot of robots to draw,not sure if I mentioned that. But they WILL RETURN.
NEXT TIME
I think I said I was going to do a Writing Comics Q&A on here, but I had a little change of plan, so I think the next instalment of this newsletter will now be the third part of my little Writing Comics behind-the-scenes process series, and I’ll try and address any related questions there. So see you back here for that! Okay thanks bye.